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So, I took 2 and a half weeks off to teach costume wearing monkeys how to ice skate but now that Johnny Chimpo's moves on ice have become a thing of legend, I can sleep easy at night knowing that it was mission accomplished. I mean, just look at his face. HE'S LIKE A KID OUT THERE. JUST HAVING FUN!
Either way, where were we? Oh right, team Moneyline Loser. The last time I wrote, team Moneyline Loser had just finished the regular season at 9-4 and with a first round play-off bye. It was the first time in fantasy football history that I had a first round bye so I made sure to celebrate accordingly by stabbing a little Asian man in the thigh.
The pressure was on in the league semifinals but Aaron Rodgers' performance against the Steelers last week gave me about 300 points and a spot in the finals was secured. So that's were we are now. Team Moneyline Loser is in the fantasy football championship game, which is also a first for me. To say that I'm scared shit-less is quite the understatement.
It all comes down to this then. Aaron Rodgers, Andre Johnson, Marques Colston, Santonio Holmes, Cedric Benson, Marion Barber, Heath Miller, Matt Prater, Baltimore's D and Antrel Rolle will take on Matt Schaub, Greg Jennings, Robert Meachem, MJD, Chris Johnson, Ray Rice, Dallas Clark, Nate Kaeding, Tennessee's D and London Fletcher. In other words, I stand no chance in hell.
After last night's Chargers-Titans game I'm already down by about 29 (Damn it Chris Johnson!) and I'm pretty sure that I'm going to regret keeping DeAngello Williams, T.O. and Steve Breaston on the bench. Fuck my life... WHY CAN'T I EVER WIN ANYTHING???
Oh, before I continue to over-analyze every situation to death before tomorrow's games kick-off, here is some bonus Peter King goodness from the Week 16 picks column...
New York Jets (7-7) at Indianapolis Colts (14-0)
I am making this pick because SI.com pays me the big bucks to pick the games.
You dumb mortals have boring, average jobs!!!111!!!. I MAKE STUPID AMOUNTS OF MONEY!!!!11!! I AM BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU!1111Eleventy!!!!1
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