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Before I get to ripping Johnny Football Hero, let me just illustrate reason number 4843692350 why I hate fantasy football (almost) as much as I hate Ryan Fitzpatrick. I spent the entire morning debating whether I should stick with Santonio Holmes or go with he Marion Barber/Felix Jones combo platter of mediocrity. One of my friends convinced me to go with Barber/Jones and I made the switch about 1 minute before kick-off, setting forward a chain of events that would eventually lead to me getting fucked in the ass.
These were the stats after all was said and done....
Barber/Jones: Combined 62 yards, 0 TD's and 2 fumbles
Holmes: 8 catches, 149 yards and 1 TD
Dave: FUCKED IN THE ASS!
Btw, let me congratulate Peter on a pretty accurate prediction that he made last week. Terrell Owens finished with 3 catches against the Jets - just 1 more than was predicted - which is pretty good when you consider the enormous, spleen raping curse that is Peter King.
Either way, let's do this.....
* opens MMQB *
* drop kicks Pierre Garcon *
Best day of football of the year?
For me it was. The Dolphins beat the Pats and Brett Favre took his first step towards his usual team crippling meltdown. Can't ask for much more than that really....
Well, at least it was the best set of early games
Right. I should have known that Sunday Night game depressed the coffee out of you...
Rather than look at the narrow 30-23 victory in Cleveland with negativity, I look at it as an example of San Diego growing up.
Let's compliment the Chargers for allowing the worst team in football to make a comeback on them! They're blossoming into such a great team!
So let's see. The Chargers in 2005 beat the 13-0 Colts in Indy. The Chargers knocked the 13-3 Colts out of the playoffs in 2007 in Indy. The Chargers knocked the 12-4 Colts out of the playoffs in 2008 in San Diego.
I sense a trend.
The sun rose yesterday. It rose the day before yesterday. It also rose today. I sense a trend.
3. Minnesota (10-2). Favre giveth. Favre taketh away.
Peter cryeth.
4. San Diego (9-3). "Best team in football,'' one NFL coach told me Saturday. Don't laugh.
The Chargers let the worst team in football hang with them and let Brady Quinn throw for 3 TD's. If that doesn't say "best team in football", I don't know what does...
5. Cincinnati (9-3). Take away the bad loss at Oakland 15 days ago, and the Bengals have been playing terrific football.
If you take away all of the times that the Bengals played badly, they only will have played good!
8. Dallas (8-4). I don't know what to do with the Cowboys. Should they be eight? Ten? Fifteen?
I make stupid amounts of money but I don't know where to rank the Cowboys in my arbitrary rankings.
10. Denver (8-4). What a psycho team. Lost four in a row by an average of 20. Now have won two by an average of 25.
They lead the league in mental issues.
Classic Brady -- he's not afraid of lobbing a bomb, but he'll usually do it wrapped in a nice padded box of respect.
A nice padded box of respect that was promptly intercepted by Vontae Davis. THAT'S HOW YOU PLAY THIS GAME, BITCHES!
4. Philip Rivers, QB, San Diego. Fourteen touchdowns, three interceptions in the seven-game win streak.
Yet he's still ranked below Favre...
But it's interesting looking back. That loss made the Colts 3-4. We all had serious questions about whether Peyton Manning was just too gimpy coming off his two knee procedures -- the first to remove his bursa sac, the second to deal with the staph infection that set in afterward. Marvin Harrison was a shell of himself. Austin Collie was playing at BYU. Pierre Garcon's head was swimming, trying to adjust to the jump from Mount Union (Ohio) College to the NFL. The Colts couldn't run. The Colts couldn't stop the run.
What a difference 58 weeks makes.
I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW MANY THINGS CAN CHANGE IN MORE THAN 1 YEAR!
Enjoyable/Aggravating Travel Note of the Week
Amtrak Acela conductor to me, 8:27 a.m. Saturday:
"Fourth-and-two at the 28. Did Belichick do the right thing?''
It never ends.
Tune in next week when the Acela conductor asks Peter if Portland did the right thing by drafting Oden over Durant....
j. Hey Rodney: Congrats on your new daughter, Sydney. Nice job. The Harrisons had child number four Saturday night in Atlanta, and Rodney, the gamer, was in the viewing room as normal at noon Sunday at NBC.
YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE HIT THAT HE PUT ON DUNGY!
3. I think it's going to be hard to stop the Saints. Not saying no one can. The Redskins almost did. But since their Week 5 bye, they've scored 48, 46, 35, 30, 28, 38, 38 and 33 points. How about over an eight-week span when your worst day is scoring four touchdowns!
Quasi Jeter-ian
5. I think Houston owner Bob McNair feels he's closer to winning in 2010 by keeping Gary Kubiak than by firing him. At least this morning he feels that way. Could that change? Absolutely.
SI's leading football writer, giving no insight whatsoever. Awesome.
a. You can't throw a football better than Ben Roethlisberger threw it to Santonio Holmes, rainbowing it into Holmes at the goal line in tight coverage.
Ok, I got it. You can't possibly throw it any better than that.....
b. Well, can't throw it better unless you're talking about Tom Brady's touchdown bomb to an in-stride Randy Moss.
But, you just said... oh, fuck off.....
c. Why It's Hard To Not Like Derek Jeter Dept.: I'm on record as saying Jeter is the best player I've seen in my life as a baseball fan, from about 1968 to now. Most of you are on record as thinking I'm out of my mind for that. But he said something in accepting SI's Sportsman of the Year award that sums up why he's an admirable guy, why he plays as hard in a 9-1 game in Oakland in May in the eighth inning as he does in the World Series. "I just like the game,'' he said. "I like competing. It's hard to put into words, because it's all I ever wanted to do. I only wanted to play baseball. I only wanted to play shortstop. I only wanted to play for the Yankees. My whole life. It wasn't like I wanted to play for another team and ended up in New York. It wasn't like I wanted to play another position and ended up at short. This has always been the dream of mine: to play shortstop for the New York Yankees. And I get a chance to do it.''
First of all, you are still horribly wrong. Secondly, Jeter is amazing because he loves baseball and always wanted to become a baseball player??
Little known fact: Most baseball players hate the game of baseball and just wanted to become axe murderers when growing up....
d. Coffeenerdness: Two coffee notes for you who love such things. 1. A critical note about the new Starbucks Caramel Brulee latte. As a professional coffee guinea pig, I feel it's my duty to warn you before you dive into the new offerings.
It's your duty to write about you know....fucking FOOTBALL....
i. Congrats, to one of Mary Beth King's former softball teammates, the inimitable Steffi Aspero-Mahmoud, for birthing Ryanne Firdaus Mahmoud Friday. Good luck on a great family life, Steffi.
Good luck SI, on getting your lead football writer to write about shit that we actually give a flying fuck about.
* image courtesty of I-Am-Bored
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