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Fuck it, let's get this party started...
When Sports Illustrated hired Peter King to cover the National Football League, the magazine was the sole window onto the sports world for millions of people and Tom Brady was just another 12-year-old fan of the San Francisco 49ers, who were months removed from their third Super Bowl title.
And Brett Favre was just a 19-year old by, working the land and just "having fun out there".
Yet even amid the dizzying transformation of media and sports, Mr. King has maintained virtually unrivaled access to NFL personnel, and influence on among fans. Besides his role as a senior writer at Sports Illustrated, he appears on NBC's weekly "Football Night in America," has a regular show on Sirius NFL Radio and Tweets.
Anyone that Tweets that the Browns have to take Tim Tebow first overall should not be allowed to Tweet anymore. Oh and by the way, eat dick Shanoff.
But none of those jobs has the juice of his Web column.
But none of those jobs has the juice that a King-Jeter-Favre threesome has...
For the past 12 years, Mr. King has been writing "Monday Morning Quarterback" for Sports Illustrated's Web site. What began as a repository for what didn't make it into the magazine, now attracts two million readers a week. The column is a blend of inside-the-locker-room scoop and Mr. King's musings on everything from training-camp traditions to coffee and his daughters' high-school sports exploits.
And about getting a colonoscopy. And about taking huge dumps at the airport. And about stealing a baseball from an innocent kid. And about tourists that dare to take pictures while in New York. And about boycotting hotels. And about how much better his life is than yours...
Later this month Sports Illustrated will publish "Monday Morning Quarterback: A fully caffeinated guide to everything you need to know about the NFL," a compilation of Mr. King's best columns interspersed with several new features including a ranking of his top 100 players.
You should see how he ranks the top 10 quarterbacks of all-time. It will make you punch your own mother.
The Wall Street Journal: When did you first have an inkling the "Monday Morning Quarterback" column was big, that perhaps you'd become more closely associated with the column than anything else you've done?
When people started to read it solely for the purpose of ripping it to shreds??
Peter King: Until three or four years ago, I was totally unaware of how many people read the column or how many people would react, except when I would write something that would be sort of away from the mainstream. One of the things that has both kind of inflamed people and sort of attracted people is when I have written over the years about some personal thing. There was a very big playoff weekend in 2001 when the Patriots had the infamous tuck-rule win. It just happened that a couple of days before, our dog had died. I ended up writing about 2,000 words on the death of my dog. The amount of mail we got, about 70% was "I had a dog, too, and he died." About 30% was "You bleepety-bleep. You write 2,000 words about your dog and 200 about the Patriots. What do we care?"
And this surprises you? Look, I love dogs. When my dog dies, I'll be a quivering wreck and I'll probably start doing heavy drugs. BUT I WON'T WRITE 2000 WORDS ABOUT IT IN MY NATIONAL FOOTBALL COLUMN. Simmons wrote a separate article for when his beloved dog passed away if I'm not mistaken.
If you must write about your dog, ask SI for a separate column. Don't write 2000 words about your dog and only 200 words about ONE OF THE MOST CONTROVERSIAL GAMES IN NFL HISTORY. YOU GET PAID TO WRITE FOOTBALL!
It wasn't for maybe three or four years that I really started to put in a good chunk of personal stuff, like high school field hockey and things like that. The reaction right away was huge. I remember I wrote about a five-overtime field hockey game my daughter played in, just the incredible, heart-stopping drama. That's when I knew how much people cared.
A few people care about your daughter's field hockey exploits. The rest hates it to the point where they don't even read you anymore.
The Wall Street Journal: Is it true that you offered to give back some of your salary to save jobs at Sports Illustrated? Mr. King: It's something I did but I really don't want to talk about it. But I will say this: I make a ridiculous amount of money. I'm not saying I'm not worth it. But I make a stupid amount of money. Sometimes it seems a little absurd considering what's happening in our business.
LOOK AT ME. I MAKE STUPID, RIDICULOUS AMOUNTS OF MONEY. I LAUGH AT THIS BAD ECONOMY!
God, I really hate this man...
The Wall Street Journal: In the book, you offer up the stories behind your 20 most unforgettable articles. What story did you most enjoy doing?
I'd bet the mortage that this has to do with Favre..
Mr. King: Probably spending a week inside the Green Bay Packers in 1995. That was really the pre-Internet days and I stayed in Green Bay for a week during the season.
.....yes sir....
It was also fun watching how Brett Favre lived his life. He'd go home and help his daughter with her homework, he'd watch the Discovery channel, the Golf channel, the History channel. He wasn't watching Seinfeld or whatever. He just was watching stuff you'd be very surprised Favre was watching. He liked to watch a lot of war stuff.
So you mean to tell me that Favre is a regular human being just like everyone else?
OHMYGAWD...FAVRE IS WATCHING TELEVISION!!.. IT'S AMAZING!!111!!! ELEVENTY!!11!
The Wall Street Journal: Who's your favorite interview?
Favre doing an impersonation of Jeter??
Favre is willing to say things to you that probably the PR guy standing behind him will be rolling his eyes and will be worried about. He's also willing to talk about other things. He's an incredibly good mime. He can do Billy Bob Thornton from "Sling Blade" so that you would have absolutely no idea it wasn't him.
Favre doing Billy Bob was actually my second guess...
The Wall Street Journal: Who's your least favorite interview? Mr. King: I don't speak to T.O. anymore. I just think that life's too short to talk to nine-year-olds too often.
Burn!
The Wall Street Journal: Have you ever worried you were getting too close to anyone as a journalist? Mr. King: There have been a couple of times. Sometimes you'll be at like one of these golf tournaments, and sometimes there will be the opportunity to get a little bit closer and stay at some of these guys' houses, things that are probably a little bit too much. Those are the things, if I feel myself going a little bit too far, I feel myself pulling back.
Sometimes, when I get the opportunity to be inside Brett's rectum...I feel myself going a little bit too far...I feel myself pulling back..
You kno what, I'm going to save some of this for tomorrow's edition of MMQB. My Sunday can't handle much more of this..
* Image courtesy of I-Am-Bored
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