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Sometimes I feel like hurting myself, my eyes and my brains in particular. Today is one of those days. So, with no new Peter King drivel to read, I'll guess I'll just have a look at Dan Shanoff's site.
Why do I dislike Shanoff you ask? I dunno, maybe it's his face...maybe it's the fact that his disgusting love for Tebow rivals that of Peter King and Brett Favre. Whatever it may be, the man just makes me want to swan dive into a pool of pure acid.
* opens DanShanoff.com *
* gets horrible flashbacks *
* kicks a giraffe *
* swallows a fork *
* dropkicks the mail man *
Now....I'm just going to skim over the front page and see what grabs my attention...
Last week was so crazy, so intense... in part, it took the air out of this week's once-promising match-ups: Cal-USC once seemed like a Pac-10 title game. Now? Ha....
Cal's Rose Bowl hopes are still riding on this game...
Oklahoma-Miami lost it luster when The U got walloped at VA Tech (if not when OU lost to BYU)...
So, two of the better and more talented teams in college football going at in prime time has NO LUSTER just because one of those two teams lost the week before?? Because going into a rainy Virginia Tech and winning is an easy thing to do. Yes sir, the 'Canes are nothing!
*The obligatory Tebow watch.
Is his cock firmly placed against your forehead or on your thigh?
As has been the case since Saturday night, TimTeblog.com has been cranking on the Tim Tebow concussion story, relaying the latest news, highlighting the best analysis and explaining how it all fits together.
It fits together when Tebow places his gooch on the back of your neck
But I actually think that Florida can -- and will -- beat LSU without Tebow, with John Brantley starting at QB. The D is that good. The RBs are that good. The special teams are that good.
Tebow's gooch is THAT GOOD.
There are "magic numbers" and then there are "reality numbers." (Damn, I should have started today's SN column with THAT line.)
Damn, I never should have opened this page...
Speaking of Tebow, I was thrilled to hear Urban Meyer talking about how Tebow is taking his rehab seriously -- what I'd like to hear more about is Tebow's willingness to sit for a few weeks to ensure he is as recovered as he can be. I'm still hearing a lot of hopefulness that Tebow can play vs. LSU. I hope that that is nothing more than gamesmanship by Urban.
What I'd like to hear more about about is Tebow's willingness to sit on my lap for a few weeks...
If the Dolphins are so unsold on Chad Henne that they feel they need to bring in Tyler Thigpen, perhaps Henne isn't the solution. (More realistically, they see White as nothing more than a Wildcat specialist, and they needed a "pro-style" backup QB in case Henne struggles or gets hurt. But you get the sense that the rest of the season is a tryout for Henne -- if he struggles, and the Dolphins continue their pace for a Top 10 draft pick, I presume that Sam Bradford or Colt McCoy will be on the table as options.)
HOW ODD THAT A TEAM WITH ONLY 2 QUARTERBACKS ON THE ROSTER WOULD SIGN A BACK-UP IN CASE ONE OF THOSE TWO GOES DOWN.
Again, we are talking about Henne, a second year guy who's going to make his first career start and White, who is a rookie. I wouldn't take it that they are unsold on Henne...but what if he gets hurt this Sunday?? You need some depth even if it's Tyler Thipgen.
AND OF COURSE THE REST OF THE SEASON IS A TRY OUT... they are fucking 0-3 and going nowhere. Might as well throw your second round pick out there and see if he is indeed the future of the franchise at quarterback.
*The Lions have as good as -- or better -- record than half the league.
When every team has only played 3 games and a bunch of teams are 1-2 or 0-3...it's really not that strange.
Oh, and the Braves are catching the Rockies.
Ah, that's the reason why they shit the bed. Thanks fuck face.
*Tim Tebow is back in Gainesville. Apparently it's "only" a "minor" concussion. We'll see. I have a lot of thoughts about that, as you can imagine.
I'm pretty sure that they are lewd thoughts that are Not Safe For Work
*Yes, that includes Brett Favre's Hail Mary TD to lead the Vikings past the 49ers at the last second. (Although let's credit Greg Lewis -- wow, what a catch.)
No, don't credit the receiver who made the miracle catch...only credit the old fuck who heaved it carelessly into coverage and hoped for the best.
I nearly took Miami out of my Top 25. Between getting throttled by VA Tech and the win over FSU back to being "hardly quality," they are non-contenders.
Yes sir, Miami are non-contenders. Let's make that statement now...let's not wait until AFTER the Oklahoma game to write that. The Virginia Tech game should have been a gimme... yes sir...
That was an insane few minutes. As Tim Tebow lay motionless on the field, I admit to fearing the worst. I have never been so relieved -- at least about a sports event -- to see him sit up. It may "only" be a concussion -- his "bell rung," as the team relayed to ESPN; it may be more. The speculation will be rampant. Even a concussion is a big deal. The image of him throwing up while being taken out of the stadium in a cart was, itself, pretty disturbing.
You know what is disturbing....the fact that I'm still reading this shit. Holy hell, I actually rather read Peter King. I feel like apologizing to Peter right now. Fuck me..if I had to choose between reading Shanoff and getting slaughtered by a pitbull...I'd take the pitbull. This is seriously worse than what King puts out.
*So it turns out that Miami was even more overrated than Ole Miss.
FUCK ME... I'm done with this. There are few places in ALL OF COLLEGE FOOTBALL where it is tougher to get a win than at Virginia Tech..especially when the conditions are bad and that they are the "disrespected underdogs". FUCK YOU SHANOFF.
* image courtest of Picture is Unrelated
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