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Wasn't it glorious to have a Sunday full of meaningful football again to enjoy? Well, it was glorious until Miami got used like a Saigon whore by the Atlanta Falcons.
Damn it, I enjoyed being able to act like a huge douche last season. Now we're back to our regular position of "team that is there solely to get ass-raped Vietnamese prison style by their opponents". Awesome. Love it. Love it as much as Peter King loves logic.
Ah well, let's see what Steve Blobs has for us today in MMQB...
6. Chicago (0-1). Two things worry me: the Brian Urlacher wrist injury and the way Jay Cutler threw carelessly. Remember a couple of weeks ago, at Denver, when Ron Turner, the offensive coordinator, told me what impressed him was Cutler basically taking what the defense was giving and not being greedy? That was not Cutler Sunday night.
Yes, he has the Bears ranked number 6 in his "Fine Fifteen". Sixth. Ahead of teams like Philly, Dallas, Baltimore and Indy. I can argue that all these teams showed more on Sunday than the Bears did. Again, he ranks them sixth. After Jay Cutler throws 4 interceptions and after Brian Ulracher IS LOST FOR THE SEASON.
He also has the Patriots ranked first and the Chargers ranked ninth. Now I know that these two teams are supposed to be really good this year, but they haven't even played yet. You are ranking a team first without seeing them in action. You are ranking them ahead of other teams which you have seen and teams that performed well.
Wait 'till they rape ass tonight and then you may rank them wherever you want. But doing this while they haven't even taken the field yet is like saying that Derek Jeter is the greatest baseball player of your lifetime.
MVP Watch
One proviso: I can't include Brady or Philip Rivers. They haven't played yet.
ARRRGHHHHH. How in the fuck do you even write that sentence?? So it's ok to rank the Pats and Chargers without them playing a game but it's not ok to mention Rivers and Brady??? You blubbering sack of sugar, this is why people stop reading your columns...
Three German tourists walked into a Starbucks at Seventh Avenue and 55th Street in Manhattan Saturday morning. This particular Starbucks is a touristy place. Two males, one female. One male had a little Canon camera and took a photo of the 50ish man and woman walking into the coffee shop, then of them in line at the coffee shop (from three different angles), picking up the drinks at the coffee shop, sitting at a table at the coffee shop. They noticed me staring in amazement at all the photos, and the photographer said to me, "Coffee!'' I nodded. "Everyone likes coffee!'' Then he went over to the shelf with souvenirs on it and picked up a mug and held the mug in front of himself and took a picture of that. You see all kinds of things in New York.
Your telling me TOURISTS were taking a lot of pictures while in New York?? Get out of town. What the hell is wrong with people these days?? The nerve! I Should tell Mike McGuire about this.
This is really mind blowing shit.Tourists who come to New York, presumably for the first time and they are taking PICTURES! Now I've seen everything!
b. Adam Schefter reported Sunday that all signs point to Michael Crabtree re-entering the draft in 2010. Interesting decision. There is no way -- and if I'm wrong on this, I will fire myself -- that Crabtree would get picked better than 10th in the 2010 draft without playing this year and having the over-inflated salary demands he has. Thus, he would make less, and perhaps significantly so, than the five-year, $27-million deal (approximately) that he's been offered by the 49ers this year, and for what? Because he's angry he's not the highest-paid receiver in this draft. If he re-enters the draft, it's a decision he'll regret the rest of his life.
Regret???? I thought he'd be smiling Peter. That's what you said didn't you????
Ok, for any of you who might be wondering why I hate Peter King so much, here is a classic example. Let's just rewind a couple of days and read again what he wrote last Friday while making his picks.
San Francisco 49ers (1-0) at Arizona Cardinals (0-1)
Somewhere, Michael Crabtree is smiling.
I mocked that comment on Friday and now I'm just sorry that I didn't mock it even more. See, this is Peter King, SI's leading football writer in a nutshell. On Friday he makes a pick and instead of adding some actual insight and analysis, he says that Michael Crabtree will be smiling while his team loses (and while he remains unsigned).
Anyone that knows two shits about football, economy and life in general, knows that Michael Crabtree is doing anything but smiling. Smiling is the last thing on Michael Crabtree's mind right now. And then in typical Peter King fashion, he completely reverses field on Monday and mentions how Crabtree will regret this decision for the rest of his life.
Yes Dick-In-A-Box. That's all he'll be doing. He'll be regretting and NOT SMILING. When you are perceived to be the best receiver of your draft class, you'd want to get signed, get your millions, start your career and hopefully win a lot of games and maybe even some awards along the way. THE LAST THING YOU WANT IS TO SIT OUT, LOSE MONEY, GET LABELED A MALCONTENT AND DIG YOURSELF A DEEPER HOLE WITH A POSSIBLE LOCKOUT LOOMING.
But hey, somewhere Michael Crabtree will be smiling. That's Peter King in a nutshell folks. A greasy, coffee stained nutshell.
4. I think this is what I liked about Week One: a. Hines Ward hurting so much for fumbling near the goal line and almost blowing the Thursday-nighter. That's the attitude I want in my franchise receiver -- I want him to feel pain when he makes a huge gaffe. Shows how much he cares.
Yes, I want him to bleed from his eyes. I want him to shoot himself in the leg while at a nightclub. Speaking of shooting yourself in the thigh, let's see what Brent Celek did this weekend. Peter predicted big things for him against the Panthers, which usually means that the player in question will get abducted by midget aliens right before kick-off.
Celek: 6 catches, 37 yards, 1 touchdown. Not the 9 catch, 101 yards, 1 TD game that Peter predicted but if I'm Celek I'm just happy that the Peter King Curse didn't rape my face yet.
g. The Rockies are fun to watch
Imagine if they had Jeter and Favre on the team!
i. Coffeenerdness: I tried to be a good citizen, Starbucks, and support your efforts in Africa by buying a pound of that "Red' coffee you're pushing. I should have guessed it might not be my cup of coffee when the front of the bag advertised brown spices and citrus. Let's just say the Red coffee is, well, an acquired taste. It would be better, Starbucks, if you just put a donation jar on the counter.
Fuck you Starbucks. Fuck you for ruing MY coffee while trying to help those poor souls in Africa. This is almost as bad as the time you allowed those Germans to take pictures while I was ordering my Favre flavored latte!
Ah, fuck it. I'm spent.
* image courtesy of I-Am-Bored
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