I'd love to get to crippling sports betting stories and pathetic fantasy sports shit, but Long John Silver just does not let me.

The thing is, I have a problem and I know that. I just can't let it go. A normal person can read his drivel, vomit from their eyes and just continue with their lives, but I take the bait. Every single time. It's sad how weak I am on the inside but that can't be much of a surprise since my childhood consisted mostly of failure and awkward silences.

Either way, I'll leave Bennie the Ball alone today and write about...................

*.....still doesn't know what to write about.... *

You know, I could write something about the teams I root for but for some reason I just can't. I have mentioned the Braves once, I have mentioned the Dolphins and the Hurricanes briefly but I have never mentioned the Magic.

I used to mention these teams a lot on my old site Blown Coverage but now I can't really find the right approach to writing about my teams. Yes, I'm one of those douches who refers to a team as "we", even though I am not employed by them or even live in the same cities.

Either way, when your team is winning and you write about them, you sound like a huge, stinky douche. Everyone will hate you and God will punish your family. That's just how things work. On the flip side, when my team is losing (fuck you Dolphins), I have absolutely no desire to write about them whatsoever.

Hey look, 'the Magic lost in the finals to the Lakers. Get fucked Kobe. Hey look, the 'Canes took a shit against Virginia Tech. Fuck you Beamer. Fuck you in the neck.

So yeah, I really can't find that balance anymore. I don't want to feel like an excited homo (NTTAWWT) when my team is donkey punching their opponents into oblivion, but the energy is barely there to do anything coherent after a gut fucking loss.

I will however mention that I'm enjoying how the Braves are teasing me at the moment. In that Francoeur post that I linked, you can see that I had given up on Atlanta since early July and for good reason. They kept sputtering along, wasting great pitching performances but the bats are suddenly awake again and wouldn't you know...they've won 15 of their last 17 and have a slight chance of making the play-offs.

They trail the Rockies by 2 in the Wild Card with 6 games to go so anything can still happen right? Wrong. By anything I mean that they'll miss the play-offs by one game and piss on my face when it's over. Why so pessimistic you ask? Well, it's because I'm not allowed to be happy when it comes to sports.

Yes, it's all about ME. Things like talent, management, coaching, schedule, luck and execution have NOTHING to do with it. Nope. It's all me. Since I'm a Braves fan, you can bet your ass that they will fail like Peter King on a treadmill.

And even there I am torn. As a fan, which is worse, rooting for a 1-15 Miami team as they get raped every week in every possible way or watch the Braves mount a heroic comeback only to miss the post-season by one or two games? I don't know, both hurt and both make me want t fist fight a donkey.

Fuck it. Maybe I am just better off picking on Tubby Maguire after all...