|
Yes sir. We've officially made it. If you tune in to NBC tonight at around 8 o'clock PM (E.T), you'll see some actual, professional fucking football.
I'm talking the type of football that will make a midget get a gender change. I'm talking about the type of football that makes people wear bunny ears. The type of football that makes Stuart Scott's eye even more fucked up... * stumbles upon Peter King's picks on SI * Hmmm, interesting. Let's see what Sweeney Blob has for us today. Ah, he's picking the games. Awesome.
Denver Broncos (0-0) at Cincinnati Bengals (0-0)
No teams has a bigger game in Week 1 than Cincinnati. The Bengals, if they're to have a prayer to compete for the Wild Card in the AFC, have to beat a nascent Denver team at home, with the Broncos still semi-reeling from a very strange offseason. Carson Palmer simply has to hit the ground running against a bottom-quartile defense. Prediction: Cincinnati Bengals 27, Denver Broncos 17
Wow, it's like he randomly just put his greasy fingers on the page and it just happened to land on the Bengals. How's about the Vikings and Favre's debut? There might be some pressure there don't you think? How's about the Bears, starting the Jay Cutler era Sunday night in Green Bay???
How's about the Patriots and the return of Tom fucking Brady?? How's about the Colts, who start the season with a new coach (no Dungy, no Harrison, no Bob Sanders) and going against the Jaguars who always play them tough??? How's about the Bills, who are expected to suck and have a possible T.O. eruption to deal with once he realizes he plays for fuckin' Buffalo??
Maybe it's a big game as well for the Lions and Jets, who are starting the Matt Stafford and Mark Sanchez eras. You know, two top 5 draft picks who are supposed to be the saviors that bring their beaten franchises back to the top?? Ah fuck it, just take your stupid Bengals...
San Francisco 49ers (0-0) at Arizona Cardinals (0-0)
Somewhere, Michael Crabtree is smiling. Prediction: Arizona Cardinals 17, San Francisco 49ers 6
Yes, because when you are un-signed and threatening to sit out the entire season, there's obviously plenty of reason to smile. The Raiders made a dumb move (on paper*), Crabtree acts even dumber by holding out and threatening to sit out an entire season and he'll somehow be smiling when the team that drafted him is losing on opening day while he remains unsigned with a fucking lock-out looming. * Who knows, maybe Heyward-Bey becomes the next Randy Moss while Crabtree becomes the next Charles Rogers.
Dallas Cowboys (0-0) at Tampa Bay Buccaneers (0-0)
I'm shocked too to see the Bucs put up 27 on anyone, given Byron Leftwich is a statue and they're still adjusting to the new way of offensive play-calling, with Greg Olson (passing game) and Pete Mangurian (run game) running the show. But Leftwich gets outdueled at the end by Tony Romo, who's out to prove he's not the old Romo. Prediction: Dallas Cowboys 30, Tampa Bay Buccaneers 27
How can you be shocked if you are predicting it? Didn't you base your prediction on some sort of logic or reason? Guess not....
Philadelphia Eagles (0-0) at Carolina Panthers (0-0)
NFL receiving leader after one week: Brent Celek -- 9 catches, 101 yards, one touchdown. Donovan McNabb and Celek are going to make beautiful music together this year. Prediction: Philadelphia Eagles 23, Carolina Panthers 20
Poor Brent Celek. The Peter King curse means that you will be sucking cock on the side of the street for some heroin within a year or two. Seriously, I really can't wait to see how Celek does this weekend. We're going to hold Peter accountable on this one....
San Diego Chargers (0-0) at Oakland Raiders (0-0)
One piece of advice for all you Fantasy wonks out there: If you've got LaDainian Tomlinson, and you're down by 30 points entering the Monday night games, get the victory cigar ready. Three things are in LT's favor in this one: Norv Turner is determined to re-establish him as the centerpiece of the San Diego offense, Tomlinson wants to stick it to every naysayer who thinks, at 30, he's should apply for AARP membership, and seeing Silver and Black is Tomlinson's personal fountain of youth. Prediction: San Diego Chargers 37, Oakland Raiders 13
So if at 6:59 PM (E.T.) on Monday you are down 30 points and you have L.T. going, a win is in the bag. Never mind that your opponent might have Tom Brady, Randy Moss, Wes Welker, the Patriots defense (who you think will hold Buffalo to only 6 points), Philip Rivers, Antonio Gates or or even the Charger defense going that night. No sir, light up that cigar...
Monday figures to be an epic day. MMQB + we get to possibly mock these picks to oblivion. Patches O'Houlihan, I can't wait...
* image courtesy of Picture Is Unrelated |
Bloguin is the revolutionary blog network specifically focused on helping bloggers get the most out of their websites. We're currently working on building a large network of online communities and hope to expand our blogging coverage to include a wide range of topics. 
The Bloguin Network allows advertisers to promote their products and services to our ever-growing number of visitors. We offer both site-specific ad placements as well as the ability to run a network-wide campaign. If you're interested in working with Bloguin to meet your advertising needs, please contact us.
The Bloguin Network is always looking to expand. We're specifically looking for blogs in the sports, entertainment, and video games field, but are open to adding any type of quality site. If you're a blogger and interested in joining our network, please fill out our application form.
The Bloguin Login gives you full access to everything our network has to offer. Your name and password will work for each and every one of our sites. Signing up is simple, and will allow you to post in all our forums, create member blogs, and access other cool features! What are you waiting for? Create an Account! 
